


Let It Kill You

by darkforetold



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 10:55:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3607503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkforetold/pseuds/darkforetold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean, their Fearless Leader, almost gets himself killed in yet another mission. Castiel shows Dean exactly what he thinks about that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let It Kill You

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt** : Mostly Dean's the Fearless Leader in bed as well as out of it, but occasionally Cas feels the need to demonstrate how unimpressed he is by Dean's habit of trying to get himself messily killed.

_“Find what you love and let it kill you.” — Charles Bukowski_

Drugs dulled both physical and emotional pain. They made him comfortably numb when Dean came with a grunt, then rolled off him as if he were just another hole he could stick his cock in. Like he didn't matter. Castiel gave a low moan to let Dean know he'd enjoyed it—he hadn't—and then turned over, hugging his dirty pillow close to his face. He could feel Dean's come settle between his legs. It was all he had left of _his_ Dean. The Dean he'd fallen in love with the moment he touched his soul in Hell; the Dean that used to brush his fingers down his arm after they'd made love. The Dean that _never_ left him the second they were done fucking.

When his cabin door closed sharply, leaving him in total darkness, Castiel let the drugs eat him alive.

***

There were many things Castiel didn't like when he was sober. The way the sun stung his eyes, how thick the air was with suffering and loneliness. He had a fierce appetite, and food was low. He ached all over. His emotions ran rampant. Life without drugs was painfully _clear_.

Castiel stood in front of Dean's cabin later that week with some of those emotions twisting his stomach, boiling his blood. He clenched his hands at his sides and his jaw hurt from keeping it so tight. With a deep breath, Castiel walked up the steps and opened the cabin door, slipping inside. There, in the two-roomed space, Dean stood, back to him, wrapping his arm with a bandage. Bruises and claw marks colored his bare skin, and a ribbon of blood ran down his back to disappear into the hem of his pants. 

He snapped the door shut. A noise that should've startled his Fearless Leader didn't even faze him. Dean didn't bother looking at him. "I'm all right, Cas."

How many times had they gone through this?

"Are you?"

"I'm alive, aren't I?"

Too many.

"Chuck said you almost got yourself killed."

"Yeah, that's what happens when Croats fuck you over."

Castiel clenched his jaw again. "One of your... reckless mistakes?"

Dean tore the bandage savagely with his teeth, then said, "What do you want from me, Cas?"

"I want you to stop endangering yourself for no reason."

"No reason? I gotta job to do, Cas. People in this camp depend on me."

"Exactly. So stop trying to get yourself killed," Castiel spat.

"Part of the job, buddy." 

"Dean—"

"Look, Cas... This is our life now, all right? It's the end of the fucking world. You and I—we're never gonna get our happily ever after. Things changed, and you know that. So if a happily ever after is what you're expecting outta all this?" Dean finished off his bandage. "You might as well start packing."

He was on Dean like a ruthless animal, slamming his bruised body against the wall. Castiel sneered in his face, and he hummed with anger he hadn't felt in _years_. "Look at me," he hissed. When Dean did... "I'll leave when _I_ decide, Dean, not you. You think I'm going to throw all of this away? What we have? What we've worked for? I pulled you out of _Hell_ , Dean. Rebelled for you. I gave everything _for you_ , and for what? To give up in the end? I'm not like you. I fight, and I'll continue fighting until the moment I die." Castiel took a breath. "I don't need a happily ever after."

_I just need you._

Castiel crushed their mouths together, and their kiss became a bruising, desperate thing. His lips hurt, but he didn't care because he was in Dean's arms, tight against his chest. Dean held him there and didn't let go like he was the only thing worth holding onto. Their kiss dissolved into nips to the throat, jaw line, and once, Castiel's collarbone. Dean grabbed his face and pulled him in even more. Fingernails pinched the back of his neck, and Castiel bit and sucked on Dean's bottom lip. Violence and pain was the only way they knew how to communicate anymore. It was the only way they truly felt at all. They fought and rebelled against their shitty fate by clawing at each other, pinching sensitive skin, biting until each of them cried out. Dean pulled Castiel's hair back hard and sucked on his exposed throat. The whimper Castiel let out was delicate, but his grip on Dean's bruised ribs wasn't. Dean hissed against his skin and began to pull away, but Castiel wouldn't let him.

He dragged his Fearless Leader to the bed and pushed him back. Didn't give him a chance to protest before Castiel climbed up and straddled his hips. They tore at each other's clothes and pinched at bare skin. Flush against him, Castiel pressed his hips down, and Dean growled at the friction. He began thrusting slowly, just to tease him, and Dean responded by grabbing his hair again, pulling him down for another brutal kiss. Castiel broke it off and bent low to lick at a nipple, giving it his full attention. Dean let out a low groan, then bucked his hips impatiently. He wanted to fuck, Castiel wanted to tease. He let his frustration be known when he bit Dean's nipple. His hiss was sharp, the fingernails digging into his arms even sharper. Castiel jerked his arms away, then trapped Dean's wrists over his head, tight against the mattress. Dean didn't move when Castiel went for the lube.

Castiel slicked himself up and speared himself with Dean's hard cock. Fucked him until he couldn't breathe or see. Fingers made painful little crescents on his hips. The intrusion inside him filled him to bursting, stretching him wide, giving him a little discomfort to hang onto. Beneath him, Dean trembled, his groans deeper now, more frequent. Castiel thought of their happily ever after in another life. Hunting. Retirement, if Dean could manage it. Marriage. Children. Somewhere where they could be happy. Safe. Someplace that wouldn't be the end. 

He wanted this to be their new beginning.

Castiel let himself go, and he came. He'd lost Dean a minute ago, and they collapsed together, not caring about the stickiness between them. Lazily, Dean brushed fingertips down his arm, like he always had. Castiel knew then, that inside his Fearless Leader, was Dean. _His_ Dean.

And it gave him hope.


End file.
